just some thoughts

I’m sitting here, waiting for that magic to happen. Great things have been accomplished by people, humans, I am humane, and will these great grand things occur if I wait for them? I’ve tried before, hoping something will happen, a glimpse of magic sparks but that seems as far as things will go for me if I try. From now on, I’m not trying to do anything. Let the chips fall where they may, the road through life unfolds the further we travel through it, right now compared to everyone else I feel I’ve put my foot down, closed my eyes and let go of the steering wheel. I am a moving beam of energy spinning on top of this rotating mass of matter. I am the tip of a pin in the ocean, I’m there, and you’ll just never ever find me. I’ve gone too far in the wrong direction and the possibility of going back a few steps is non-existent. There just are no time machines in mass production yet. There is a smile on my face, negative vibes from the disappointed, but as long as I’m happy I suppose.

I’m burning incense now obsessively. Mainly for that moment of when the match sparks and bursts into flames. I have emptiness in my life. I’m sure everyone does, but having it to the extend I do right now is troubling me. Paranoia has broken out in my mind frame. Who can I talk to with full confidence that they won’t confide in another being. Through little happenings I have lost that trust in certain people who I once held in high regard. I’m not going to expose myself much and keep my thoughts in the dark, maybe that would intrigue people when I do choose to discuss my opinions. I’ve no outlet for my anxiety and that’s bound to be causing destruction to these bridges I must cross on my road to happiness.

A good Story for my debut?

Two guys sharing a dorm room at college, Jack and Andy. Jack has a very neurotic outlook on life due to his reclusive behaviour during his childhood, after a break up and death of one of his parents, he begins questioning life, always seeming on the edge. He hides away from the world in books and ignores any problems he’s facing. He wears 60s fashion laden with grunge qualities, just because no one else around does. Alcohol and drugs, mainly dope, is what he spends most if his college loan on. Took up an addiction of sleeping pills and pain killers and is quite proud in the genius of robbing the college nurse of her tablets when she’s out for lunch. When we meet him in the story his “out of control days” are nearly over, he’s maturing but as he’s doing just that, he becomes more distressed with every ounce of knowledge he gathers along the line in his life. His conclusion to everything is “there is no point”, not literally but the poignant undertones can be identified with the words he says. He’s giving up since he has realised that everything dies, fades away, and he’s having the toughest time getting over the fact.

1st attempt

Camera fades in on an seemingly empty room. It takes in the surroundings by slowly panning along the bookshelf, scanning quickly on posters, objects laying around the room. a single bed in the corner.
A cough is heard and camera pulls over to a chair where a student sits tired, smoke rising from the joint in his hand, bored rubbing his eyes, he's sitting staring at a book, then looks out the window in front of him. The door to the room is slightly opened and is pushed gently by a young man, his head appears popping in to see if anyone is there, seeing the man in the chair he continues. In walks the complete opposite to the young man sitting down.He appears cleaner, better looking, less of a mess than his grunge soaked roommate. In he walks without saying anything, both look at one another, nod, and a sad smile closely spreads across this new guy.
DAVE
Late night?
JACK
Yeah... sleeping is another way of giving in.
DAVE
Giving in? (laughs) If i didn't laugh I'd cry with you Jack

DAVE walks over to JACK and looks down at the book sitting on the desk in front of JACK.

DAVE
So you finished that book yet?
JACK
No, its not gripping me by the balls so I’m going to put it back up there on the shelf and you know, maybe look at it twice a day, I'll look at all my books in fact, I shall even read the backs of them, and wait until one entices me to finish.
DAVE
That’s a rather peculiar way of going about things
JACK
Well, I firmly believe that the book chooses the reader, not the other way around.
JACK gets up, stretches and walks over to the record player, hits play. a droning velvet underground/doors sound surrounds the room.
DAVE picks up the book and scans the back of it
DAVE
and this little theory of your's... does it apply to just books?
JACK
oh, goodness no. it goes for music, movies, literature of course... you know, um, the finer things in life.
DAVE
women!?
JACK
well, answer me this. (smiles devilishly) when was the last time you went looking for that girl...and found her?
DAVE
you know Jack, you do have a point.
JACK
of course i have a point. i am a crazed genius just waiting for my time.
DAVE
and what would be you're time Jack?
JACK
my time to get moving, doing something productive, creating great grand things instead of sitting here, there, in that chair, hours upon hours, wasting away with a book in my lap and a drink in my hand, a sigh in my breath and a frown on my face.
dave
well at least you have quite a view from that chair.
JACK
yeah well, I'm sure the sight of Christ on the cross was quite spectacular but staring at even Him day after day would lose its touch.
DAVE
so today Christ was real was He?
JACK
i used Him as an example, and a fine one i should add. i have no strength to get into a futile debate concerning Christs existence today.
DAVE
so how has your head been? hope you haven't been thinking too hard...
JACK
well, you know, I've been keeping my mind busy, the last time i thought about it, i passed out... i would prefer it if that never happened again so I'm just simply going to block it out
DAVE
you'll have to deal with it one day, blocking it out might cure your mind today but tomorrow it may lose its self.
JACK
what troubles me most is fear, if i can get rid of that, i can do anything
DAVE
listen Jack, you need... I'm not totally sure what exactly you need but tonight you are not being a recluse...
JACK
...a recluse...
DAVE
there is a sort of gathering over at Perry's, he asked if we would join
JACK
must be a pretty dull crowd if he's asking for our company
DAVE
well we'll make it a fine night what ever the company is, i was thinking we'd be time enough to head over there at around 11... i have some things to take care of I'll be back in an hour and we can walk over together, that alright?
JACK
(devilish smile)quite swell