just some thoughts

I’m sitting here, waiting for that magic to happen. Great things have been accomplished by people, humans, I am humane, and will these great grand things occur if I wait for them? I’ve tried before, hoping something will happen, a glimpse of magic sparks but that seems as far as things will go for me if I try. From now on, I’m not trying to do anything. Let the chips fall where they may, the road through life unfolds the further we travel through it, right now compared to everyone else I feel I’ve put my foot down, closed my eyes and let go of the steering wheel. I am a moving beam of energy spinning on top of this rotating mass of matter. I am the tip of a pin in the ocean, I’m there, and you’ll just never ever find me. I’ve gone too far in the wrong direction and the possibility of going back a few steps is non-existent. There just are no time machines in mass production yet. There is a smile on my face, negative vibes from the disappointed, but as long as I’m happy I suppose.

I’m burning incense now obsessively. Mainly for that moment of when the match sparks and bursts into flames. I have emptiness in my life. I’m sure everyone does, but having it to the extend I do right now is troubling me. Paranoia has broken out in my mind frame. Who can I talk to with full confidence that they won’t confide in another being. Through little happenings I have lost that trust in certain people who I once held in high regard. I’m not going to expose myself much and keep my thoughts in the dark, maybe that would intrigue people when I do choose to discuss my opinions. I’ve no outlet for my anxiety and that’s bound to be causing destruction to these bridges I must cross on my road to happiness.

A good Story for my debut?

Two guys sharing a dorm room at college, Jack and Andy. Jack has a very neurotic outlook on life due to his reclusive behaviour during his childhood, after a break up and death of one of his parents, he begins questioning life, always seeming on the edge. He hides away from the world in books and ignores any problems he’s facing. He wears 60s fashion laden with grunge qualities, just because no one else around does. Alcohol and drugs, mainly dope, is what he spends most if his college loan on. Took up an addiction of sleeping pills and pain killers and is quite proud in the genius of robbing the college nurse of her tablets when she’s out for lunch. When we meet him in the story his “out of control days” are nearly over, he’s maturing but as he’s doing just that, he becomes more distressed with every ounce of knowledge he gathers along the line in his life. His conclusion to everything is “there is no point”, not literally but the poignant undertones can be identified with the words he says. He’s giving up since he has realised that everything dies, fades away, and he’s having the toughest time getting over the fact.